NEW YORK STATE OF MIND – PART 1

“Some folks like to get away, take a holiday from the neighborhood
Hop a flight to miami beach or hollywood.
Im taking a greyhound on the hudson river line-
Im in a new york state of mind.”– Billy Joel

I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself for six weeks. Once I arrived, I felt anxious because the time frame seemed too short and too long, all at once. What was I going to do? What was I not going to do?

My husband and I were given a chance to sublet an apartment on 151West and Riverside. Waaaaay upper west side, kinda Harlem, kinda Washington Heights . More like Dominican Republic – north. On our first cab ride from LaGuardia, north on Broadway to 151W and Riverside, I was transported back to my times in the Dominican, with merengue music lofting in the air and families out on the streets, with their lawn chairs, communing with their neighbors. Our host has been living here for 7 years. She assures us we have nothing to worry about in this neighborhood. But for us sheltered Canadians, the hood can be a bit menacing, the energy a bit intense. Once a few nights pass, we get used to the energy and realise that this is what it is – and it’s alive, full of life, vibrant and just real! With a few mice scurrying around in our apartment, just for fun!

New York, the artist’s Mecca. We reached a ceiling here in Canada. We have done what we could, achieved some notoreity but something just wasn’t giving. We weren’t catching a wave. For whatever reason. I’ve had a manager say to me that you have to be a story in your own country before going elsewhere. Well, I tried, really tried. But it seems like I am turning into one of those artists who can’t get arrested in her own town. Like Sir Nigel Hawthorne who squeezed out a career for years, doubting himself and his chosen profession until his mid 50’s when “Yes Minister” came into his life – and the rest is history as they say. Yup, can’t be a prophet in my own country – so I had to look elsewhere. New York, the artist’s Mecca….and here I am.

We arrived a few days after Michael Jackson had died. One of our walks the first few days took us into Harlem, right to the Apollo theatre. The streets were packed with folks, dancing, singing, signing a condolences wall, selling t-shirts, cd’s, memorbilia. Graceland must have been like this when the other King died. I hadn’t listened to MJ in years. The genius pop melodies were penetrating the air, bringing me right back to my youth and reminding me just how brilliant of a writer he was. Truly, there will never be another entertainer like him. And being here, in these first few emotional days of his passing, was a testament to the profound affect he has had on our generation and generations to come.

But again, back to the Mecca idea. I can’t help but feel motivated and inspired by the huge wave of energy in this city. From theatre to music to poetry to literature, there is just so much of it here, so many people doing it. As a result, so many more opportunities, a bigger playground to play in. And I can’t help but feel that anything is possible. That I could be myself and there would be a place for it instead of someone trying to put me in some kind of box because they need to do that in order to understand what I do. Or at least, if there are boxes to place people in, there are many more to choose from. So, someone isn’t trying to put my square peg into a round hole. There actually is a square hole for me somewhere. Nonetheless, it is hard, very hard. There are just so many more people trying to do the same thing as you. And yet, with that challenge, you feel a sense of possibility. Or at least because of the intensity of the energy in this city, you WANT to do something. You can’t help but feel proactive and want to participate somehow because you can no one is saying you can’t. It’s a level playing field. One established musician may be playing Madison Square Gardens one night and then you’ll see them in Barbes in the Brooklyn, a tiny jazz place.

One thing I need to keep in mind though is that it’s not always greener on the other side. Musicians here are struggling just as much if not more. Gigs pay real crap, I mean real crap unless of course you are playing a high level gig or in the pit orchestra at the theaters. As a result, many musicians get together to just play, do sessions to keep the chops going, to play somewhere and build the community. There is a strong community here, everyone trying to help one another out. And the loyalty factor is high. There may be a few more places to play, and yes the chances of Stevie Wonder walking into Smalls Jazz Club is high but doesn’t mean that gigs are flowing for our neighbors down south. It’s a tough tough go and yet, the music flows.

For an artist, New York has an incredible history. You can’t help but feel the creative history of the city when you walk its streets. How can you not bring to mind that Dorothy Parker, Noel Coward hey, even Madonna were all influenced and created here. Any one who creates for a living has at some point in their lives thought about going to New York. There is a reservoir here, a subconscious flow that permeates if you are tuned into it. On the surface there are millions of people scurrying around like the mice in our apartment. And then on a deeper level, if you’re tuning into that channel, there is an intense flow of creative energy that inspires and motivates. Now, you may need to get out to the Hamptons or something to really hear what that inspriration may be trying to give you because really, it is so hard to hear yourself think amongst the millions of people. But as a friend said to me the other day, there is something spiritual in this madness. And I think she is right. Maybe New York is the ultimate symbol for yin and yang: that on the one side, you have this incredible, intense madness and on the other a depth of spirit that inspires. And isn’t that what Meccas are about?

This is a huge lesson in – flow. A huge lesson in letting go, in surrendering and going with the current. Allowing this incredible wave to take me some place within myself that I never would have dreamed of going to on my own accord. Instead of trying to direct the direction of the current, I need to surrender to its direction and trust the process. Yes, it’s mad at times. And yes, it’s deep at times too. That is what I need to stay focused on and allow it to change me – because inevitably it will, whether I flow or resist. All limiting beliefs need to be cast aside and I need to open myself up to the possibility that all is possible. It will take a lot of hard work but that’s okay. Like that saying goes, something like, who are you to think you are NOT that great? You know that piece by Marion Williamson that everyone thinks Nelson Mandela wrote?!?! Or as another friend of mine said to me, God didn’t want you to hide your light under a bucket.

At the moment, this is New York: dream, imagine, be inspired – and get your hands dirty because it’s just plain hard work. You’ll be tired all the time, you’ll be busted open by the relentless energy that is going to force you to let go of any inhibitions and limiting beliefs. It’ll change you – and your light will be given a chance to shine a little brighter – regardless of the outcome.

Photos of the journey will be posted continuously on my Flickr site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/danielanardi/sets/72157621312739708